Today I dance....literally

77 pounds and a total of 88.5" gone!!

Today marks my 5 month surgerversary and so much has happened in the last 30 days I just hope that I remember to include it all.  Lets start with dancing, I went out with some friends a couple weeks ago and I danced and I wasnt afraid of the pain.  Sure I was "careful" but I still danced and it felt amazing.  Neil and I even shared our first slow dance that night and it was wonderful.  We fit if that makes any sense at all.  I have been attending support group at Grand Health Partners and I have met some really amazing people.  Its nice to have people in your life that are on the same journey that you are on.  I no longer take medication for high blood pressure, diabetes or high cholesterol which is the true win from all of this.  I get cold ALOT easier now which is frustrating for me but I can always put more clothes on.  Here is the big one.......ready....I wear CUTE shoes now!!!  I bought 7 pair last week just to get it out of my system.  Its an adjustment to wear chunky heels but I am getting use to it.  I am developing a "shape" which is more of an hourglass than round now and it feels good.  I have been struggling with headaches alot lately but I figure in the big scheme of things, that is a small price to pay.  I am hoping that new glasses will fix the headache issue and that it is not relative to the surgery at all.  I have never been a headache sufferer so its a big pissy deal to me.  I went ring shopping and I was actually able to fit the "regular" size rings on my finger....unbelievable.  I am way more active socially than I have been in the past and I actually look forward to weekends now and doing things, I even do things during the week after work which was unheard of for me.  Seems like I am always in go go go mode now which is stressful but really nice.  Neil and I are literally booked every weekend now until after the holidays....weekends are no longer for doing chores, now they are for enjoyment which is not easy for me to get use to but I am managing :)  I no longer live to eat but instead I simply eat to live.  With the exception of candy, nobody needs candy to live but I manage to fit a few pieces in every now and then and I dont feel guilty about it which is beautiful in its own rite.  There are so many people that have been an amazing support for me on this journey and I still have a long ways to go.  I want to lose another 43 pounds to hit my initial goal.  The men in the picture above have been amazing gifts to me.  Dr Kemmeter gave me the tools I needed to be successful and Neil has given me unconditional love and support which are the biggest tools of all on this journey and I fall more and more in love with him everyday.  I told him that I dont think life gets better than this and he said "yes it does", I guess I will have to wait and see because my happiness meter is off the charts right now.

4 months and 73 pounds gone FOREVER

Another month has passed and I am down another 6 pounds.  The weight loss is tapering down on me but I have determined my next step to help boost my weight loss once again.  I have been reading the book "Diet Solutions For Life" which is the program that is used at Grand Health Partners for their medical weight loss patients.  It has some amazing tips and tricks for long term success.  It focuses mainly on how to deal with emotional eating and cognitive behaviour training.  The main reason people fail at weight loss is because they focus on the weight loss but not the re-training of your thought processes when it comes to food.  It is those same thought processes that made you overweight and it is those same reactions to emotions that will bring the weight back on.  I am an emotional eater....EVERYONE is.  The book defines emotional eating as "eating anytime you are not hungry".  Now unfortunately that rule can not apply to those of us that have had Weight loss surgery because we dont generally get hungry, instead we have to remind ourselves to eat at least every 4 hours.  I do however suffer from emotional eating when it comes to tempations such as CAKE or COOKIES, you get the idea.  Since reading this book I have not given into a single temptation because I now know how to get past those temptations.  I do allow myself treats on occassion but they are planned as part of my daily intake.  I am starting to think more like a thin person and I am definitely eating like one!!!  I have developed a list of Goals and Rewards that will also inspire me and push me to reach the goals.  This was an idea from the Solutions for Life program and I have included it in this writing.  If you have any other ideas for goals or rewards please feel free to share them with me, I would love to hear them.  Its hard to think of great rewards that wont break the bank.

Overall it has been a great month.  I have done alot of shopping for more clothes from several thrift shops and my friends continue to donate to my cause which is greatly appreciated.  I had a couple Non Scale victories this month including putting on a pair of SUPER CUTE boots and having them actually fit!!!  I was also going thru my closet to update the "I can wear this now section" and came across a cute fitted top that I looked at and said ummmm thats NOT going to fit me.  I tried it on anyways and it so DID fit me.  Even though the scale doesnt seem to be moving much it is obvious that the inches are still falling off which is interestingly odd but I'll take it.  Signing off for now because I just earned myself a Facial and a Bubble Bath and I am going to go and enjoy it.  Until next time....I am down 73 pounds and I CAN DO THIS

Weight Loss Goals and Rewards

Starting Weight 299.8  Current Weight 227.4  Goal Weight 180

LONG TERM GOALS	DATE COMP	REWARD
Weight 225		Order Meatloaf pans
Weight 220 (Neils Weight)		Ask Friends to write a love list for me
Weight  215		Buy a new bathroom rug
Weight 210		$20 at Hobby Lobby
Weight 205		Get a Miche Purse
Weight 199  OMG		Buy a new ring
Weight 195		Buy a new kitchen faucet
Weight 190		Front load washer and dryer
Weight 185		Buy new shoes
Weight 180  (My goal reached)		Have professional pics taken
Fit into size 18 pants		Buy Victoria Secret Vanilla Lace
Fit into size 16 pants		Buy New Clothing Item
Fit into size 14 pants		Go to Casino
Wear that amazing black dress (L)		Go to nice dinner
SHORT TERM GOALS	DATE COMP	REWARD
Work out 5 days a week 30 min		Go to the Movies
Enter in Journal 30 days		Buy a Nook Book
Take your Measurements NOV		Buy new slippers
Take Your Picture OCT 17		Give yourself a Facial
Work out 5 days a week 45 min		Buy $20 I-tunes gift card
Update Blog Oct 17th		Take a hot bubble bath
Work out 5 days a week 30 min		Costume Jewelry
Enter in Journal 60 days		Get a pedicure
Take your Measurements DEC		$10 Dollar store trip
Take Your Picture NOV 17		Take a hot bubble bath
Work out 5 days a week 45 min		Buy a Book
Update Blog NOV 17th		Buy a Magazine
Go to GHP Support Group		Buy something from Bath and Body
ADD ON GOALS	DATE COMP	REWARD
Read the Book Walk Yourself Thin		Buy a House Plant
		Night out on the town
		Buy New Hair

Fat Rants and Candycorn

Sooooo...my ass is way bigger than the rest of me and although it seems to be catching up it sure is moving slowly.  I am in a 20 pant and an XL shirt, oh yeah I look like a bariatric patient.  This to shall pass.  This past week has really been testing my will power because the stress is out of control right now and the pre-surgery me always turned to junk food (mainly candy) when the stress and/or emotions were in overdrive.  Sometimes I wish they could have done surgery on my brain at the same time they did the weight loss surgery.  This week has made me realize more than ever that this surgery is nothing more than a tool and you can either use it and be successful or you can go back to your old habits and stay the unhealthy person you were before.  I slipped a couple times this week which is the first time my emotional eating has come back to haunt me since surgery.  Now keep in mind that when I say I "slipped" it simply means I ate a couple pieces of candy or something I shouldnt have.  It doesnt mean that I went to the buffet and pigged out because I am not able to do that with my stomache restriction, however with the stresses in my life, I may have if Sally would have allowed me to.    Here is a fun story for you all to enjoy.  Most people that know me well also know that I have an obsession with candycorn and guess what season it is??  Yup its CANDYCORN season.  Every aisle of every store has candy corn in it and I can literally smell it seeping from the bags.  I have walked past this temptation a hundred times, picked up a bag, put it back down and repeat.  Well one day I didnt put it back down.  I said to myself, self you need to get this craving out of your system.  So I bought a bag and I ate about 10 pieces and got so sick that I dont foresee any candycorn in my future.  Candycorn no longer has to be the enemy!! 

 I had something happen to me the other day that made me realize why there are so many fat people in the world.  I stopped at a speedway and because I was in a rush and hadnt prepared my food for the day I needed something to eat.  I chose their little container of popcorn chicken which sells for $1.49 or 2 for $2???  So I asked the lady, hey lady can I get one for $1 and she said nope so I grabbed a second item which was a burger to take back to the employees at work.  It was the idea that Speedway wanted to scrrew me over that FORCED me to buy that second item....are you kidding me.  Anyways, it worked out because one of the guys at work jumped at the burger but now I spent an extra 50 cents and I am helping others get fat in the process.  Also have you ever been to a Burger King or McDonalds when they wanted to supersize EVERYTHING for you at a price that was so low that you literally look like an idiot if you say no??  I havent done fast food in so long that I dont know if they even still do that but I bet they do.  Then I went to my bank to deposit my bonus check from work and when the little tube came back with my receipt guess what else was in there....yup you guessed it, CANDY!!!  Yes I know that direct deposit would have solved that issue which I do have but my bonus came in a manual check, forcing me to go to the bank and get free candy???

Today I had my 3 month check up and it went very well.  My cholesterol is PERFECT (those were the doctors words not mine) so I can stop taking that medication.  I can now stop taking all of my diabetic medication as well.  I asked how I was doing with my weightloss and the doctor said I hate to even discuss that because it is so different for everyone, then she pulled it up and said oh your down 70 pounds???  She then stated that was more typical for a 6 MONTH checkin, not a 3 month!!!  YAY Spring is doing good.   I do have some numbers that are not as good as they should be.  My protien level should be between 6.4-8.3 and it is at 6.0 so they want me to eat MORE protien.  Holy smokes I have a hard time gettin in 60g now they want me doing 80.  I'll do my best, I promise.  My white blood count is high which is a concern because that generally indicates some type of infection in my body.  I will be having that checked in a week and if it is still high then they will start looking for infection.  Intersting because I feel infectionless...lol

I officially have 10 pounds to lose to reach Neils weight which is my first goal!!!  Then I will have 20 pounds to lose to the next goal which is ONEDERLAND.  I dont believe I have seen the 100s since I was 12 years old.  Sad but so true.  This journey has been so exciting and so challenging at the same time.  I have made so many positive changes in my life and it wont be long and I'll be in super cute shoes!!!  Thank you to everyone for your gifts of clothing (I dont know what I would have done without all these amazing clothes), all the encouragment and compliments and to my besties...your unconditional love because I know this journey has not always been easy for you.  I also want to send a shout out to Amy and Alaina for your inspiration from your own successes.  I am so blessed to have you by my side and to Jen who has started her journey and is doing amazing at just 30 days out!!!  Lots of love and tons of thanks to everyone for your continued support!!!

10.75 inches, NSV and Amazing Deals

Our New Gym.....$50.00

So I am seeing a pattern in my weightloss and although its frustrating, the weight is still coming off and since its a pattern that I can recognize it makes it easier to deal with.  It appears that I hit a 2 week stall and then drop 5-9 pounds in one week??  This has been happening since the very beginning and the exciting news is that I should be in my weight loss week this week...WOOT WOOT  I measured in today and I have lost another 10.75 inches for a total of 58.75 inches of fat off of my total body.  My weight loss has slowed down because I have been doing exercise every single day and since muscle is leaner than fat but heavier.....blah blah blah.   I have been either walking or using my stationary bike for a minimum of 30 minutes a day and have been using our new gym for about 10-15 minutes a day.  The gym has been amazing for my herniated discs in my back because it has a leg press which is something I used during physical therapy.  I have a feeling that $50 is going to be one of the best investments we have made all year as I wont need to go to physical therapy as of right now.  Neil and I were walking a new route last week and someone had this gym (Weider Pro 9940) outside with a sign on it for $75.  I offered them $50 for it because thats what Dave Ramsey would want me to do...lol  At any rate, the guy accepted it and Neil and Andy picked it up and had it all set up for me when I came home the next day!!!  I heard it was not an easy thing to move as it had to be disassembled and then put back together......I love my boys!!! 

Today I experienced an NSV (No scale victory) when I was able to walk for an hour without needing to stop one single time to stretch my back and my hip.  I still feel pain but it is minimum in comparison.  The downfall is that my entire left leg goes completely numb while walking.  It goes numb all the way to my foot and my back specialist said that will NEVER go away because the nerve damage in my back has already been done and it cant be undone.  He reminded me that numbness is better than pain and he is sooooooo right. 

What else has been going on?  I am still feeling amazing although I have had 2 attacks of heartburn and acid reflux in the last 3 weeks.  I believe it started because I was only on Prilosec  for the first 60 days after surgery which means I am not on it anymore.  I will be seeing my family doctor next week and I will ask him to put me on it permanently.  I am hoping he can write me a prescription for it because Prilosec is super expensive!!  When I have the episodes it literally feels like my throat is on FIRE and that is not good.  I have been taking 3 different things during an attack and one of them is working, I just dont know which one it is yet...lol  The Prilosec will help so that I dont have the attacks at all.  The last two attacks came on after a period of bending, once was when I was cleaning the bathroom and the other time was when I was doing laundry....I see a pattern here and perhaps I should give up housework?  Hmmm something to think about...lol  Besides the Acid Reflux/heartburn I have been great, "Sally" and I have become good friends.  I was thinking the other day that this has  become a lifestyle for me instead of a diet.  Out of habit now I always eat my protien first.  I drink water like a crazy lady and I minimize my carb intake.  I went to the mall this weekend and had my nails done and I struck up a conversation with the lady sitting next me because NOBODY in the nail salon speaks english and I HAVE to talk to somebody...lol  Anyways we started talking about my surgery and she asked me if I could just write down the diet I am on so that she can just do the diet without the surgery.....it was cute and all but realistically I dont know if you could possibly follow this lifestyle without the VSG as a tool.  I guess you could but you would literally be starving ALL the time.  It still amazes me how little I eat and how quickly I feel full.  I have a friend that is having the surgery on the 6th of this month and I am very excited that we will have each other for support.  She has already lost quite a bit of weight during pre-op and it wont be long and she will be caught up with me....I am so proud of you Jen and so grateful that this surgery brought us together as friends.  You are going to do GREAT!!!  I am going to sign off on that note and thank you everyone again for all of your love and support.  A support system is the #1 factor in the success of this process and I am so fortunate to have all of you cheering me on.  I am down 60 pounds, 58.75 inches and I CAN DO THIS!! 

Yup....this is my Bill

and I have NO regrets!!!  I am truly starting to believe that this is the best thing I have ever done for myself.  I feel so alive and so full of energy and I am actually starting to realize my own worth!!!  What does that mean Spring?  It simply means that I have been holding onto some "things" that dont really deserve to be held by me, understanding my own worth is allowing me to let those things go.  For the first time in my LIFE, I am taking care of ME and wow does it feel good!!!  I have grown so much emotionally and spiritually during this journey with the help of so many people and hopefully I have shown my appreciation enough that you know who you are....Lets back up to the $25, 500.08 bill on the top of the screen Spring cuz SERIOUSLY you paid that???  The quick answer is NO!  That is what was billed to my insurance and my out of pocket is around $4,000 which we paid IN FULL and received a 20% Off discount!!  I about shit myself when I asked how much I could save if I paid it in full, I was hoping for a 10% discount so getting 20% was AWESOME!!

So what has happened in the last week you ask?  Here is the quick rundown....I broke my stall after the longest 3 weeks of my life (that is so dramatic Spring) ok so it wasnt the longest but sheesh how frustrating is a 3 week stall.  Busted it up good to, as of this morning I am down 7 more pounds this week so that makes up for the frustration.  Neil and I were talking about my "goals" today and that totally got me super motivated and pumped to make it happen.  I am only 31 pounds away from my first goal weight which is Neils weight and I am only 60 pounds away from my personal goal of 180 pounds.  I am certain that when I reach that 180 my goal will change and keep changing until I am left with just 1 more pound to lose for the rest of forever because you will ALWAYS have one more pound to go!  My energy level kicked in to full gear this week and I just want to go, go, go!!!  On Sunday I worked for 4 hours in my garden area, pulling and moving lillies and gladiolas that are spent for the season, digging up old fence posts and cleaning up the weeds and the grapevine that has once again wrapped itself so beautifully around my fence....when I finally stopped working in the garden I went inside, started laundry, did the dishes and then started cleaning out the "junk" drawers!!  Really??  Yes really.  Then I wanted to walk walk walk.   I never felt any muscle pain until uhhhhhh this morning when I went to get out of bed!!!  My upper thighs said ummm excuse me but you might want to take it a little slow today....Great start to a Monday!!!  I didnt let that stop me from dragging Neil out for my evening walk around the neighborhood of hills!!  LOVE LOVE LOVE the way I feel during and after that walk.  I am waiting for it to get easier so that I can mix it up but I will stick to this route until either the time it takes goes down or the satisfaction of the route ends.  I have discovered these things this week:   #1...if you stay on plan, the stall will end and you will succeed.  #2....it feels really good to take care of yourself.  #3....sugarfree russell stover chocolate covered peanuts may very well be the best invention to date and #4....if you havent tried the Weight Watchers smart ones meals, I encourage you to do so!!!  I am down 57 pounds and I CAN DO THIS!!!!

I am a Weight Scale crackhead!!

There is alot going on right now so I need to bring everyone up to date!!  I have been stuck in a STALL for the last 2 weeks and I have been gaining and losing the same 4 pounds.  I have allowed this to frustrate me so Neil took the scale away from me (I told him to do it but I didnt think he actually would).  So it turns out that when it comes to the scale my addiction is very similar to that of a crack addict....lol  I actually tore thru his office looking for it because he was sleeping and when I couldnt find it anywhere in the house, I finally gave in to the no weigh in til Monday rule.  So that is that, I now only weigh myself on Mondays and hopefully this next Monday will see a loss.  I have a forum that I frequent that is so incredibly helpful when it comes to stalls because it is so hard to understand how I could NOT lose weight for 2 weeks.  I wont go into the math again, check out my previous blog if your interested in the logistics of it all.  The great thing about having the sleeve is that it doesnt "allow" you to go off the diet.  So I keep plugging away and soon it will catch up.  I did have Neil take my measurements the other day because I was hoping that would be encouraging.  My surgeon told me at my last visit that measurements are what is important and that even when I am not losing pounds, I am still losing inches.  So here it is...in the last 30 days I have lost 48 inches of me!!!  48" holy shit that is 4 feet of fat!!!  True story and it makes handling the stall alot easier.  When I do my measurements I literally measure almost every area of my body including my feet tops (I am so ready for cute shoes).  My upper legs at the initial measurement were both 39" around and today the left leg is 22.5" and the right leg is 25".  What an awesome difference that is but I would still like to see some damn SCALE movement...lol 

Today I was sedated and had a lumbar epidural injection.  The last pain injections did not help with the pain at all so when I went to the pain clinic they decided to do the Lumbar epidural.  When the injection was done, I got off there feeling like a million bucks but apparently that was the numbing agent that had me fooled because here I am about 7 hours later and my pain has returned.  It takes 3-5 days to see the full affects of the injection so keep your fingers crossed that mine is going to work!!!!  It was amazing how much my mood, my attitude and my level of happiness improved for that short time I was pain free.  I am not wanting to have surgery so I am trying everything possible to avoid that including having the weight loss surgery.  I have definitely noticed some relief from the weight loss as I was able to walk a good distance, mostly uphill and I only had to stop twice to stretch my muscles to relieve some of the pain.  On a "normal" walk I have to stop anywhere between 5-10 times for relief.  Hopefully the improvements will continue in that direction. 

I started my new position at work and I absolutely LOVE it!!!  I have an amazing team and they have been very receptive to my new role as their Supervisor.  My schedule is now 7-4 monday thr friday which is unheard of in retail management but I worked very hard for that spot and I am so thankful that I have been given this opportunity to succeed in this new challenge. 

I have also recently learned how to save a ton of money on your groceries.  This might seem a little off topic but I just have to share this.  I have been wanting to try the "Smart Ones" meals by weight watchers and they were on sale this week at Meijer 5 for $10.  If you buy 10 you get $5 off and then I had a coupon for $3 off any 10.  So that means I paid 1.20 each for these meals that are usually around $3 a piece.  I was so excited that I took two coupons and bought 20 of those meals.  The first one I tried was the lasagna and it was amazing.  I would never be able to eat a full serving but Neil doesnt seem to mind that as he loved the lasagna and so did I!!!  I am really looking forward to trying the other meals.  The reality is that each box gives me 2 meals so its like paying 60 cents for a lunch or dinner.  How awesome is that?  I also had a coupon for a FREE 12ct package of Prilosec which saved me $13 and then I had a $1 off coupon for ziplock bags that were already buy one get one free at Rite Aid.  My mommy would be so proud...lol   So that is all that I have for now!!!  Sally has been amazing and her and I have started to understand and respect each other.  I feel human again and sometimes I forget that I had the surgery because I feel so good but Sally is quick to remind me!!!!  Thank you to everyone that continues to give me so much encouragement.  I truly have an amazing support system and I love you all....I am down 48" and I CAN DO THIS!!!!

Oh my God, I feel human again

Today I had my 6 week check-up and it went very well.  Dr. Kemmeter was very pleased with my progress and said that I am heading in the right direction.  The nurse proudly announced to me that I had lost 48 pounds (my scale says Ive lost 51.5) blah blah blah.  Kemmeter says I shouldnt even be looking at the scale but I should be paying attention to how my clothes are fitting.  Are you serious???  I am on the most amazing journey of my life and he wants me to forget about the scale??  Hes probably right, its just easier to measure progress that way then it is in your clothes but he is right that it isnt a true success.  He said the true success is in watching numbers go down like sugar numbers, blood pressure (110/70) today just for the record.  The purpose of this is to become a healthier me, not a skinnier me...apparently the skinnier part is just a bonus of the trip!!!  He actually gave me an entire new outlook on my life after our conversation today.  Kemmeter told me today that this journey is about to get alot of fun.....and he is so right.  The energy I feel today will be nothing compared to what is yet to come.  I am only 6 weeks out and I feel amazing.  The first few weeks were hard...very hard almost to the point of wondering how I was ever going to adjust to this lifestyle, I was sick everytime I ate if she let me eat at all but it was all just part of the learning curve, part of the process of understanding what I can eat, how fast I can eat it and how much I can eat.  "Sally" and I are friends now and we understand each other.  Sometimes she still has a little fit to let me know who is really in charge but I probably need that friendly reminder.  This morning I tried to eat an egg and a sausage link for breakfast and after about 3 bites I was 100% DONE!!!!  Thats an example of "Sally" reminding me of who is in charge.  Today I met with the nutritionalist and it felt good to hear that I can eat pretty much anything at this point.  She basically said to focus on 60 protiens a day and 64 ounces of water and not to pay attention to anything else.  She said if Im worried about my calorie intake that I need to keep it under 900 during weightloss.  There is nooooo way I could eat 900 calories in a day.  I would be surprised if I average 600 a day right now.  I will be starting my exercise regmine today and would like to do at least 30 minutes of exercise a day.  EVERYDAY!!  I am a firm believer that you must "mix it up" to keep the weightloss going so that is what I intend on doing.  I am so fortunate that I have 3 different pieces of fitness equipment in my house because I would NEVER be motivated to go to a gym, I am to much of a home body I guess.  I am looking forward to the cooler weather and then I can be going for walks more outside as well.  I am thinking about putting a flyer together and passing it out around the neighborhood and trying to get some other people to walk with me.  I live in a community of mostly retired people so I think if I had a set walking time that I could get a group to join me.  Even if they dont want to join me they could cheer me on!!!  hee hee  I am starting to really notice changes in my body.  My stomache actually looks like a "landslide" because the fat is like "melting" away and of course it isnt happening evenly.  When I was leaving the Doctors office today I saw my reflection in the glass door and I had to look twice, and yup it sure was me in that window!!!  I also tried on my first pair of super cute shoes and they FIT but they still dont look quite right so I will wait to show those off...lol  I also tried on a pair of 22 shorts and they fit, oh ya...they did!!!   I am super excited about going back to work and facing all the new challenges that lay ahead for me in my new position.  There is so much going on and so many things coming up for me and it feels good to be busy......Kemmeter mentioned today about the importance of a strong support team and I am so fortunate to have all of you cheering me on and wishing me success in my journey.  Your thoughts and kind words are motivational and keep me on the right track.....Its amazing how much more conscience you are of things if you know that people are "watching" you.  Keep on "watching" and I'll keep on keepin on!!!!  I am 6 weeks post-op and I CAN DO THIS!!!!

Greek Yogurt and Vanilla Lace Bubble baths

Friday, July 22nd, 2011

Love the title?  That is what I just finished is an amazing bubble bath and Im working on my yocrunch blueberry Greek yogurt.  The yogurt will take me about an hour to eat.  I have not adapted to the Greek yogurt craze as of yet but it has about 3 times the amount of protien as a regular yogurt.  I have to admit, I miss my Yoplait Whips.  I am 5 weeks out today from my surgery and I like to consider myself one of the strongest people I know and let me tell you, this is the hardest thing I have ever done.  So many people have told me that I will adjust and that it gets easier and I will fall in love with  my sleeve "Sally".  I am patiently awaiting for that day to arrive.  I never know from day to day what kind of mood Sally is going to be in.  Something that I eat one day she denies access to the following day.  It makes me afraid to eat because I dont know how my body is going to react to it.  I was craving a taco salad the other night and Neil went and got me one at Taco Bell, of course I cant eat the shell but everything else is good  for me, I was able to eat about 3 bites and I was so full it made me sick.  The reality is that I am expecting Sally to accept foods she just isnt ready for.  Leafy greens and skinny pizza are a couple of those things.  I would say that my stomaches capacity for solid food is about 1-2 ounces.  I had a terrible episode the other day with "skinny pizza".  I admit I did it to myself because I was super hungry and my mouth was watering for it.  At any rate, I ate to much to fast and I will NEVER do that again.  At first I slimed (uncontrolled water filling your mouth), then I "foamed" and then I puked.

On a much brighter note, my incision pain is completely gone which is awesome.  I am still struggling with my blood pressure because its still running a litttle low.  Nothing deadly dangerous but the doctor has me keeping a close eye on it.  I am soooo anxious to get back to work and get back into the swing of things.  I think being out of work this long has actually made me a little on the depressed side.  I am stuggling with motivation to do ANYTHING but I know I am just suffering from "cabin fever" and probably a little lack of nutrition...I will be taking on a new position at work when I return and I am very excited about that.  I love new challenges.  Neil and I moved my office to the main floor and turned my old office into my workout room which is totally awesome, now I just need the motivation to use it.  I actually LOVE working out once I get into the groove of it, its just finding that groove.  I need me some Nikki Moser motivation.  I am taking a body shot every month and putting it on a shelf so that I can compare the differences.  My body is already changing but not enough to notice a "significant" change.  I am down 48 pounds since June 1st.  It sounds like alot but on a body the size that mine was its like a drop in the bucket....but I will take it gladly.  I have no complaints about the amount of weight I have lost, my only complaint is Sallys incredible mood swings.  I hear that we will learn to understand each other but I dont know how long that is suppose to take.

Saturday July 23, 2011
This evening finds me relaxing outside on my hammock with this cool laptop tray from Bed Bath and Beyond.  Enjoying the sounds of the birds singing, the music playing at the park and some ice cold water I am finally learning to enjoy.  Today has been a much better day for me and "Sally".  I have come to the conclusion that people lose so much weight with this surgery because they are terrrified to eat...lol  That is not completely far away from the truth but its more about me learning how to eat.  Tiny bites with alot of chewing...chew chew chew.   This morning I enjoyed a scrambled egg and one very small peice of sausage which took an hour to eat but I actually finished it.  Then I had a Clif protien bar at lunch.  I took the boys to "A taste of Grand Rapids" today and Im not sure what I was thinking there but it actually was alot easier on me then I thought it would be.  I have lost my taste for so many kinds of food that it wasnt terrible.  I did enjoy a couple bites of some bbq pulled pork.  It was 5 tickets for about 3 bites, Im not sure that it was worth that but thats my new life.  I had a woman post on the Obesity Help forum today that you should try to be down 50% of your excess weight by 3 months and 80% of your excess weight by the 6 month mark.  So let me do some math here....give me a minute!!!  My starting weight was 299.5 and my ideal weight is around 140 pounds based on the "charts".  That means my excess weight is roughly 160 pounds.  50% of that is 80 pounds by the 3 month mark and 128 pounds by the 6 month mark.  That not only seems unreasonable to me but it also seems unreachable.  Nothing is impossible since I have lost nearly 50 pounds in the last 7 weeks but the weight loss is bound to slow down sooner or later.  Im not going to stress over it because my surgeon doesnt expect the 80% mark until 18 months.  Now dont get me wrong, I have every intention of beating that goal but I dont think Im going to see it in 6 months....time and patience will tell the tale on that one.  I am sorry that I havent been keeping up on my blogs.  There have been many stresses in life as of late and those of you that are close to me are aware of the struggles and have helped me thru it and it is so greatly appreciated.  The last few weeks have certainly reminded me how precious life is and that we should take nothing for granted.  I will sign off with positive vibes that the next time you hear from me "Sally" and I will be the best of friends and life will be filled with hunky glory!!!  Love to you all!

2 Weeks Post-op *UPDATE*

I cant believe it has been 23 days since surgery.  I have not been doing a very good job keeping my blogs updated.  I went to my 2 week post op appointment and it went very well.  The doctor said that I am about 2 weeks ahead of schedule for my weight loss which is really exciting.  The bad news is that my blood pressure is dangerously low and my pain level is still much higher than it should be in my main incision area.  The surgeon said that he really "reefed" on that area and the pain would last for 3-4 weeks.  Its a stabbing stinging pain and I am feeling it constantly.  The other bad news is that I havent lost a single pound since then which is incredibly frustrating but I was told it is completely normal to experience a 3 week stall.  The stall is frustrating because you dont change your way of eating but your body is trying to recover from the shock of the surgery and it goes into stall mode.  Here are some numbers to fully understand my daily intake.  My metabolic rate is 2,ooo calories a day which means that I burn 2,000 calories a day just for my body to function.  This does not include any additional exercise.  I have been taking in 400-600 calories a day, a minimum of 60 protiens a day, less than 40 carbs and adding additional exercise daily.  Now weight loss happens by creating a deficit of 3500 calories per pound.  With that being said, I should be averaging 2 pounds every 3 days if the math is done properly.  Therefore, I can not clearly understand how a stall happens but according to the Obesityhelp.com website forum(which has become my new best friend), it is very common so I will continue to do what I am doing and sooner or later, I will beat the stall.  On the super upside, I am now eating semi-normal human like foods.  My diet now consists of cream soups, cottage cheese, mashed potatoes, refried beans, milk, coco wheats, yogurt and low fat crackers.  I did make some amazing noodleless lasagna the other night which consisted of 3/4 cup of cottage cheese, 1/4 cup of spaghetti sauce, 2 egg whites, a few dashes of oregano and basil.  Mix it all together and bake at 350 for 30 minutes and sprinkle with shredded cheese and enjoy the flavor of the inside of lasagna.  Soooo good and soooo good for you!!!  Keep in mind that my little stomach can only handle a little bit of this at a time so a half of a serving takes me about an hour to eat.  I struggle everyday to get in all of the protien, carbs, 64 ounces of fluids and fat that is required of me.  Let me explain why this is a struggle.  First of all my diet requires me to eat about every 2 hours whether I am hungry or not.  Also, I cannot drink anything 15 minutes prior to eating or 45 minutes after eating.  That doesnt leave much time for fluid intake.  Those are some of the struggles I am having at this point in the journey.  I have also had many rewarding experiences including noticing some changes in my body shape, crossing my legs easier and buying shorts I didnt think would fit but they did.  Those are called NSV (non-scale victories) I have had some great friends bring me clothes in sizes 10-22 to help me transition into a smaller me and I am so thankful for their clothing gifts as that will be one less expense I will have to worry about.  If anyone reading this has clothes they would like to donate to the getting skinny clothing fund, let me know, I am not to proud for hand me downs.  I have been checking out garage sales and Salvation Army sales and have had some great finds!!  One womans junk is another womans new wardrobe :)

31 Pounds in 23 Days!!!

Those are some pretty staggering numbers and at this rate I will be down to my birth weight of 6 pounds 10 ounces by Christmas...it is unreasonable to believe that my weightloss will continue at such an aggressive loss therefore it makes for good humor. 

The last couple of days have been very difficult for me emotionally.  Yesterday I allowed boredom to set in and all I could think about was the fact that every "best friend" I ever had is gone.  No more cigarettes, no more diet pop, no more caffiene and now no more food....who does that to themselves?  I cried pretty hysterically for about an hour in Neils arms asking myself how I was going to get thru this without a vice (I am tearing up just thinking of the episode).  I was addicted to food and it is clear to me now why it was easy for me to stop smoking and stop drinking my pop because I still had my food to turn to as a vice.  Now I have nothing except thoughts of the next 40 amazing years and I think Im going to stick with that vice.  I dont know what that weakest moment would have taken me to without Neil to guide me.  I was sooooo ready to grab for a pack of smokes.  But I didnt and the emotions passed and so did the desire for a vice.  Once I got my wits about me I decided to go for a long walk and I was pleasantly surprised when Neil caught up with me and joined me.  About 15 minutes into the walk, I had forgotten all about my desires, and I realized that walking is now my new vice!!!  I have been committed to walking about 10 minutes per hour every hour since coming home from the hospital and that has been so helpful to me emotionally, spiritually, physically and in recovery time. 

I am still taking my vitals 4 times a day and will continue doing that until my 2 week followup appointment on July 1st.  I would guess that I will be completely off my Diabetic medication by that time and hopefully eliminate my 13 daily drugs one at a time.  My numbers have been awesome these last couple days and I see no reason why they would not stay on this trend.  A year ago if you would have asked me I would have told you without hesitation that I wont live to see 60, neither of my parents lived much past that so I had sealed my own fate....Today, just one week after this surgery, I am so hopeful of the outcome that I look forward to the next 40 years.  I am dedicated to being the best me I can be.  This surgery is the exact tool that I needed to better myself physically and mentally.  This surgery is NOT a magic pill or a quick fix.  It requires dedication every single day to exercise and to healthy eating.  The surgery simply makes me feel full so that I am not as likely to overeat.  My new stomache has not rejected anything so far but I am still on straight liquids.  I am looking forward to next friday when I can start on soft foods. 

I am going to sign off as my walk awaits me.  I will continue to write these blogs as long as people continue to read them.  I have had almost 500 hits on my site for the month of june so if I am helping even one person who is either considering the surgery or struggling with their own vices, it will be worth its time in gold.  Today I have a fresh new look at life....I can do this!!!