Yup....this is my Bill

and I have NO regrets!!!  I am truly starting to believe that this is the best thing I have ever done for myself.  I feel so alive and so full of energy and I am actually starting to realize my own worth!!!  What does that mean Spring?  It simply means that I have been holding onto some "things" that dont really deserve to be held by me, understanding my own worth is allowing me to let those things go.  For the first time in my LIFE, I am taking care of ME and wow does it feel good!!!  I have grown so much emotionally and spiritually during this journey with the help of so many people and hopefully I have shown my appreciation enough that you know who you are....Lets back up to the $25, 500.08 bill on the top of the screen Spring cuz SERIOUSLY you paid that???  The quick answer is NO!  That is what was billed to my insurance and my out of pocket is around $4,000 which we paid IN FULL and received a 20% Off discount!!  I about shit myself when I asked how much I could save if I paid it in full, I was hoping for a 10% discount so getting 20% was AWESOME!!

So what has happened in the last week you ask?  Here is the quick rundown....I broke my stall after the longest 3 weeks of my life (that is so dramatic Spring) ok so it wasnt the longest but sheesh how frustrating is a 3 week stall.  Busted it up good to, as of this morning I am down 7 more pounds this week so that makes up for the frustration.  Neil and I were talking about my "goals" today and that totally got me super motivated and pumped to make it happen.  I am only 31 pounds away from my first goal weight which is Neils weight and I am only 60 pounds away from my personal goal of 180 pounds.  I am certain that when I reach that 180 my goal will change and keep changing until I am left with just 1 more pound to lose for the rest of forever because you will ALWAYS have one more pound to go!  My energy level kicked in to full gear this week and I just want to go, go, go!!!  On Sunday I worked for 4 hours in my garden area, pulling and moving lillies and gladiolas that are spent for the season, digging up old fence posts and cleaning up the weeds and the grapevine that has once again wrapped itself so beautifully around my fence....when I finally stopped working in the garden I went inside, started laundry, did the dishes and then started cleaning out the "junk" drawers!!  Really??  Yes really.  Then I wanted to walk walk walk.   I never felt any muscle pain until uhhhhhh this morning when I went to get out of bed!!!  My upper thighs said ummm excuse me but you might want to take it a little slow today....Great start to a Monday!!!  I didnt let that stop me from dragging Neil out for my evening walk around the neighborhood of hills!!  LOVE LOVE LOVE the way I feel during and after that walk.  I am waiting for it to get easier so that I can mix it up but I will stick to this route until either the time it takes goes down or the satisfaction of the route ends.  I have discovered these things this week:   #1...if you stay on plan, the stall will end and you will succeed.  #2....it feels really good to take care of yourself.  #3....sugarfree russell stover chocolate covered peanuts may very well be the best invention to date and #4....if you havent tried the Weight Watchers smart ones meals, I encourage you to do so!!!  I am down 57 pounds and I CAN DO THIS!!!!

I am a Weight Scale crackhead!!

There is alot going on right now so I need to bring everyone up to date!!  I have been stuck in a STALL for the last 2 weeks and I have been gaining and losing the same 4 pounds.  I have allowed this to frustrate me so Neil took the scale away from me (I told him to do it but I didnt think he actually would).  So it turns out that when it comes to the scale my addiction is very similar to that of a crack addict....lol  I actually tore thru his office looking for it because he was sleeping and when I couldnt find it anywhere in the house, I finally gave in to the no weigh in til Monday rule.  So that is that, I now only weigh myself on Mondays and hopefully this next Monday will see a loss.  I have a forum that I frequent that is so incredibly helpful when it comes to stalls because it is so hard to understand how I could NOT lose weight for 2 weeks.  I wont go into the math again, check out my previous blog if your interested in the logistics of it all.  The great thing about having the sleeve is that it doesnt "allow" you to go off the diet.  So I keep plugging away and soon it will catch up.  I did have Neil take my measurements the other day because I was hoping that would be encouraging.  My surgeon told me at my last visit that measurements are what is important and that even when I am not losing pounds, I am still losing inches.  So here it is...in the last 30 days I have lost 48 inches of me!!!  48" holy shit that is 4 feet of fat!!!  True story and it makes handling the stall alot easier.  When I do my measurements I literally measure almost every area of my body including my feet tops (I am so ready for cute shoes).  My upper legs at the initial measurement were both 39" around and today the left leg is 22.5" and the right leg is 25".  What an awesome difference that is but I would still like to see some damn SCALE movement...lol 

Today I was sedated and had a lumbar epidural injection.  The last pain injections did not help with the pain at all so when I went to the pain clinic they decided to do the Lumbar epidural.  When the injection was done, I got off there feeling like a million bucks but apparently that was the numbing agent that had me fooled because here I am about 7 hours later and my pain has returned.  It takes 3-5 days to see the full affects of the injection so keep your fingers crossed that mine is going to work!!!!  It was amazing how much my mood, my attitude and my level of happiness improved for that short time I was pain free.  I am not wanting to have surgery so I am trying everything possible to avoid that including having the weight loss surgery.  I have definitely noticed some relief from the weight loss as I was able to walk a good distance, mostly uphill and I only had to stop twice to stretch my muscles to relieve some of the pain.  On a "normal" walk I have to stop anywhere between 5-10 times for relief.  Hopefully the improvements will continue in that direction. 

I started my new position at work and I absolutely LOVE it!!!  I have an amazing team and they have been very receptive to my new role as their Supervisor.  My schedule is now 7-4 monday thr friday which is unheard of in retail management but I worked very hard for that spot and I am so thankful that I have been given this opportunity to succeed in this new challenge. 

I have also recently learned how to save a ton of money on your groceries.  This might seem a little off topic but I just have to share this.  I have been wanting to try the "Smart Ones" meals by weight watchers and they were on sale this week at Meijer 5 for $10.  If you buy 10 you get $5 off and then I had a coupon for $3 off any 10.  So that means I paid 1.20 each for these meals that are usually around $3 a piece.  I was so excited that I took two coupons and bought 20 of those meals.  The first one I tried was the lasagna and it was amazing.  I would never be able to eat a full serving but Neil doesnt seem to mind that as he loved the lasagna and so did I!!!  I am really looking forward to trying the other meals.  The reality is that each box gives me 2 meals so its like paying 60 cents for a lunch or dinner.  How awesome is that?  I also had a coupon for a FREE 12ct package of Prilosec which saved me $13 and then I had a $1 off coupon for ziplock bags that were already buy one get one free at Rite Aid.  My mommy would be so proud...lol   So that is all that I have for now!!!  Sally has been amazing and her and I have started to understand and respect each other.  I feel human again and sometimes I forget that I had the surgery because I feel so good but Sally is quick to remind me!!!!  Thank you to everyone that continues to give me so much encouragement.  I truly have an amazing support system and I love you all....I am down 48" and I CAN DO THIS!!!!

Oh my God, I feel human again

Today I had my 6 week check-up and it went very well.  Dr. Kemmeter was very pleased with my progress and said that I am heading in the right direction.  The nurse proudly announced to me that I had lost 48 pounds (my scale says Ive lost 51.5) blah blah blah.  Kemmeter says I shouldnt even be looking at the scale but I should be paying attention to how my clothes are fitting.  Are you serious???  I am on the most amazing journey of my life and he wants me to forget about the scale??  Hes probably right, its just easier to measure progress that way then it is in your clothes but he is right that it isnt a true success.  He said the true success is in watching numbers go down like sugar numbers, blood pressure (110/70) today just for the record.  The purpose of this is to become a healthier me, not a skinnier me...apparently the skinnier part is just a bonus of the trip!!!  He actually gave me an entire new outlook on my life after our conversation today.  Kemmeter told me today that this journey is about to get alot of fun.....and he is so right.  The energy I feel today will be nothing compared to what is yet to come.  I am only 6 weeks out and I feel amazing.  The first few weeks were hard...very hard almost to the point of wondering how I was ever going to adjust to this lifestyle, I was sick everytime I ate if she let me eat at all but it was all just part of the learning curve, part of the process of understanding what I can eat, how fast I can eat it and how much I can eat.  "Sally" and I are friends now and we understand each other.  Sometimes she still has a little fit to let me know who is really in charge but I probably need that friendly reminder.  This morning I tried to eat an egg and a sausage link for breakfast and after about 3 bites I was 100% DONE!!!!  Thats an example of "Sally" reminding me of who is in charge.  Today I met with the nutritionalist and it felt good to hear that I can eat pretty much anything at this point.  She basically said to focus on 60 protiens a day and 64 ounces of water and not to pay attention to anything else.  She said if Im worried about my calorie intake that I need to keep it under 900 during weightloss.  There is nooooo way I could eat 900 calories in a day.  I would be surprised if I average 600 a day right now.  I will be starting my exercise regmine today and would like to do at least 30 minutes of exercise a day.  EVERYDAY!!  I am a firm believer that you must "mix it up" to keep the weightloss going so that is what I intend on doing.  I am so fortunate that I have 3 different pieces of fitness equipment in my house because I would NEVER be motivated to go to a gym, I am to much of a home body I guess.  I am looking forward to the cooler weather and then I can be going for walks more outside as well.  I am thinking about putting a flyer together and passing it out around the neighborhood and trying to get some other people to walk with me.  I live in a community of mostly retired people so I think if I had a set walking time that I could get a group to join me.  Even if they dont want to join me they could cheer me on!!!  hee hee  I am starting to really notice changes in my body.  My stomache actually looks like a "landslide" because the fat is like "melting" away and of course it isnt happening evenly.  When I was leaving the Doctors office today I saw my reflection in the glass door and I had to look twice, and yup it sure was me in that window!!!  I also tried on my first pair of super cute shoes and they FIT but they still dont look quite right so I will wait to show those off...lol  I also tried on a pair of 22 shorts and they fit, oh ya...they did!!!   I am super excited about going back to work and facing all the new challenges that lay ahead for me in my new position.  There is so much going on and so many things coming up for me and it feels good to be busy......Kemmeter mentioned today about the importance of a strong support team and I am so fortunate to have all of you cheering me on and wishing me success in my journey.  Your thoughts and kind words are motivational and keep me on the right track.....Its amazing how much more conscience you are of things if you know that people are "watching" you.  Keep on "watching" and I'll keep on keepin on!!!!  I am 6 weeks post-op and I CAN DO THIS!!!!