This machine of a body that I was blessed with has been fueled by Nicotine, Caffiene and Narcotics for the last several months. Now it is being fueled with lime water, Decaffinated Tea, Injections that are NOT working and no Narcotics (until tonight). Last night my body went into a state of withdrawal that was incredibly intense and uncomfortable. I could not get my legs to stop jumping and my body was shaking and I was sweating....I was filled with frustration not knowing what was causing it until Neil came in to check on me and mentioned it was probably symptoms of drug withdrawal. I have litterally taken away every chemical that my body has been dependant on and it is super pissed off. At any rate it was a very uncomfortable night but I got thru it and I am hoping that tonight will be better. I am physically and emotionally exhausted from all that surrounds me as of late. The energy that I am putting into making myself better seems to just keep back firing on me. I am still awaiting authorization for the surgery, the pain injections are not working. The Doctor said that it takes 7 days to see the full affects but it seems that the pain is getting worse and worse instead of better and better. I had to take my vicodin and my Neurontin today and I hope that tonight I will sleep. I dont remember the last time Ive actually had a great night of sleep. The dreams are keeping my mind to busy and anyone that knows me knows that I hate remembering my dreams.
On a positive note, I have been smoke free for 4 weeks and I will have my Nicotine screening on Monday :) I am very excited that I have made this accomplishment. Once again I will be starting the week anxiously awaiting my surgery approval so that I can aquire a definite date. I have had so many people voice their concern about me having such an extensive procedure done considering my history with anesthesia and a prior surgery. My response is that I CANNOT live in this pain. With that being said, its worth the risk of the procedure.
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